Mayor Mitch Panciuk startled me with the way he exited the stairwell by the elevator. It was as if he were trying to intimidate me deliberately by throwing his weight around. Still, on this day at Belleville City Hall, it was a very enlightening security contract for my career and life.
I had access control duties this afternoon during a presentation that the Belleville Police Service delivered at City Hall on interactions with law enforcement personnel and the mentally ill—a topic I care deeply about.
Mitch clenched his jaw and fists in aggravation. Before the virus outbreak, I used to sit behind Mitch and his wife in the pews at St. Thomas's Anglican church. Was this a display of anger management or patience? My boss, Bill Armstrong, did the same things during our meetings.
Once he and I were inside the elevator, I tried to make light of the situation. "I hope I showed up at the right site," I chuckled nervously.
When I arrived on my floor, Deputy Chief Callaghan and Inspector Meeks were in the lobby outside the meeting room, along with several administrative employees from Belleville.
"What's the good word?" Callaghan repeatedly asked this question to his co-workers and city staff.
Could this be a slight I detected? Was this an inside joke directed toward my father or me for our perceived religiosity? One by one, everyone went about their duties at City Hall until it was just Michael Callaghan and me.
"How's Todd doing?" I fired back, and this got Mike's attention.
"He's doing fine." Todd was not doing well. He and his family members had been the target of multiple death threats over social media posts featuring a Confederate flag. I saw Todd Bennet at the Quinte Mall sometime later. The look on his face betrayed a heavy reliance on benzodiazepine medications.
"The Dukes of Hazzard is his favourite movie," he explained, "that's all." This explanation, which I took at face value, allowed me to continue my conversation with Callaghan. However, I knew who Michael Callaghan was - what he was - and police officers scared me back then. It would still take years before I could successfully overcome this fear.
I was very nervous talking to such a high-ranking law enforcement officer.
Once we had exchanged introductions, I mustered the courage to ask him, "Was that you with whom I spoke over the phone a couple of weeks ago?" I was still bent on attending Community Policing volunteer meetings.
"No, that wouldn't have been me; things are chaotic now because of the pandemic. Volunteer meetings are currently on hiatus."
We discussed how I got involved with the Belleville Police Service in 2016 and how rumours spread that I am a psychic. I tried explaining to Callaghan that I don't even believe in psychic phenomena, but he doubted I was this rational.
“They've conducted experiments that measure the reaction times of people exposed to graphic imagery…” I tried to tell him.
"Right…" he said in a tone laden with skepticism.
I was alone with Michael Callaghan for what seemed like half an hour during the conversation we had. I am sure that is more time than he spends with people who feel much closer to him.
I told him I had spent much of my savings on books to pass the time.
"Books about what?" Michael asked.
"Math," I replied. His condescending tone got to me at this point.
"Oh, geez," he responded in alarm and amazement. I was trying to upgrade my high school math marks, hoping to return to university to finish my degree in psychology, though Callaghan was not interested in these plans.
Then, I told him I had approval for a supportive housing unit and would move into my one-bedroom apartment in a month.
We talked about how some people are experiencing good fortune during the pandemic, and that primarily those who lacked health problems before the outbreak of COVID-19 are struggling the most. Individuals such as myself are well-adjusted to these circumstances.
"What other books have you been reading?" He asked.
I told him about a book called 'Outliers' by Malcolm Cromwell.
"It's about the unique factors that can contribute to someone's success."
I discussion inevitably turned to how most hockey players are born at the start of the calendar year because it conferred more time on the ice for this cohort of children. I told Michael I don’t follow sports much - I’m an art lover - but I enjoyed doing access control at the Wally Dever Arena, and I always enjoy rooting for the Belleville Senators.
Michael went into a lecture about how players like Wayne Gretzky are suitable for hockey down to the finest details. He described how Gretzky's peripheral vision enabled him to predict where to position himself on the ice to make passes because he could see players skating up from behind him.
I quickly understood Michael Callaghan to be a brilliant man in his own right. Underestimating him would be a very foolish thing to do. People crack jokes about police officers, but in Callaghan's case, he truly knows his stuff.
Then he told me, "In life, it's not about how smart you are." Michael Callaghan perceived me as a young man wrestling with a sense of inferiority and unbridled ambition. His insights were on point during this time in my life.
"I can remember a case where the perp we were after was so intelligent that he made a computer system for himself by arranging a series of punch cards inside a metal filing cabinet."
"He also made up an entire language by combining words from English, German, and French."
"This is an old case; this guy is dead now, so I can tell you about it."
"This man was a child molester, and he somehow struck up a friendship with a 14-year-old boy. He ended up sexually assaulting the boy, only to let the boy go."
There it is.
"Years later, when the boy was in high school, this man came up behind the boy in a lineup at a carnival. He stood behind him in the lineup just to scare the boy and feel omnipotent."
"This perp got off on reminding the boy that he was sexually overpowered."
"During an interview we conducted after the boy provided his testimony, we learned that he was clever enough to scratch his name into the bed frame near where he was sexually assaulted, and this tiny detail was enough to get a warrant and search the predator's house."
"I like this story," I said, impressed with the boy's ingenuity.
Callaghan mentioned something about a favoured bathing suit.
"When consulted on this case, our forensic pathologists told us we would find a bathing suit of some significance to the perpetrator."
"Sure enough, when we searched his house, we found it hidden behind his laundry machines."
"The DNA from that bathing suit was enough to connect him to several other victims."
"Why do you think these guys do what they do?"
Callaghan was curious to hear my answer to this question.
I had access control duties this afternoon during a presentation that the Belleville Police Service delivered at City Hall on interactions with law enforcement personnel and the mentally ill—a topic I care deeply about.
Mitch clenched his jaw and fists in aggravation. Before the virus outbreak, I used to sit behind Mitch and his wife in the pews at St. Thomas's Anglican church. Was this a display of anger management or patience? My boss, Bill Armstrong, did the same things during our meetings.
Once he and I were inside the elevator, I tried to make light of the situation. "I hope I showed up at the right site," I chuckled nervously.
When I arrived on my floor, Deputy Chief Callaghan and Inspector Meeks were in the lobby outside the meeting room, along with several administrative employees from Belleville.
"What's the good word?" Callaghan repeatedly asked this question to his co-workers and city staff.
Could this be a slight I detected? Was this an inside joke directed toward my father or me for our perceived religiosity? One by one, everyone went about their duties at City Hall until it was just Michael Callaghan and me.
"How's Todd doing?" I fired back, and this got Mike's attention.
"He's doing fine." Todd was not doing well. He and his family members had been the target of multiple death threats over social media posts featuring a Confederate flag. I saw Todd Bennet at the Quinte Mall sometime later. The look on his face betrayed a heavy reliance on benzodiazepine medications.
"The Dukes of Hazzard is his favourite movie," he explained, "that's all." This explanation, which I took at face value, allowed me to continue my conversation with Callaghan. However, I knew who Michael Callaghan was - what he was - and police officers scared me back then. It would still take years before I could successfully overcome this fear.
I was very nervous talking to such a high-ranking law enforcement officer.
Once we had exchanged introductions, I mustered the courage to ask him, "Was that you with whom I spoke over the phone a couple of weeks ago?" I was still bent on attending Community Policing volunteer meetings.
"No, that wouldn't have been me; things are chaotic now because of the pandemic. Volunteer meetings are currently on hiatus."
We discussed how I got involved with the Belleville Police Service in 2016 and how rumours spread that I am a psychic. I tried explaining to Callaghan that I don't even believe in psychic phenomena, but he doubted I was this rational.
“They've conducted experiments that measure the reaction times of people exposed to graphic imagery…” I tried to tell him.
"Right…" he said in a tone laden with skepticism.
I was alone with Michael Callaghan for what seemed like half an hour during the conversation we had. I am sure that is more time than he spends with people who feel much closer to him.
I told him I had spent much of my savings on books to pass the time.
"Books about what?" Michael asked.
"Math," I replied. His condescending tone got to me at this point.
"Oh, geez," he responded in alarm and amazement. I was trying to upgrade my high school math marks, hoping to return to university to finish my degree in psychology, though Callaghan was not interested in these plans.
Then, I told him I had approval for a supportive housing unit and would move into my one-bedroom apartment in a month.
We talked about how some people are experiencing good fortune during the pandemic, and that primarily those who lacked health problems before the outbreak of COVID-19 are struggling the most. Individuals such as myself are well-adjusted to these circumstances.
"What other books have you been reading?" He asked.
I told him about a book called 'Outliers' by Malcolm Cromwell.
"It's about the unique factors that can contribute to someone's success."
I discussion inevitably turned to how most hockey players are born at the start of the calendar year because it conferred more time on the ice for this cohort of children. I told Michael I don’t follow sports much - I’m an art lover - but I enjoyed doing access control at the Wally Dever Arena, and I always enjoy rooting for the Belleville Senators.
Michael went into a lecture about how players like Wayne Gretzky are suitable for hockey down to the finest details. He described how Gretzky's peripheral vision enabled him to predict where to position himself on the ice to make passes because he could see players skating up from behind him.
I quickly understood Michael Callaghan to be a brilliant man in his own right. Underestimating him would be a very foolish thing to do. People crack jokes about police officers, but in Callaghan's case, he truly knows his stuff.
Then he told me, "In life, it's not about how smart you are." Michael Callaghan perceived me as a young man wrestling with a sense of inferiority and unbridled ambition. His insights were on point during this time in my life.
"I can remember a case where the perp we were after was so intelligent that he made a computer system for himself by arranging a series of punch cards inside a metal filing cabinet."
"He also made up an entire language by combining words from English, German, and French."
"This is an old case; this guy is dead now, so I can tell you about it."
"This man was a child molester, and he somehow struck up a friendship with a 14-year-old boy. He ended up sexually assaulting the boy, only to let the boy go."
There it is.
"Years later, when the boy was in high school, this man came up behind the boy in a lineup at a carnival. He stood behind him in the lineup just to scare the boy and feel omnipotent."
"This perp got off on reminding the boy that he was sexually overpowered."
Child molestation came first, followed by stalking. Was this layered approach Callaghan's way of getting me to confess? I am not a pedophile or any kind of child abuser. I like guys, and I am proud of it. I am not a faggot or a goof. If the people of Belleville thought of me this way, I would have to confront my obsessive-compulsive disorder regardless of how painful it felt and undergo treatment for my childhood sexual abuse like a grown man. I left a message with the Sexual Assault Centre of Belleville later that evening.
My conversation with Callaghan helped me understand what was required of me. As Michael Callaghan continued I noticed he was copying my mannerisms while we were talking. I looked this up when I got home. He was mirroring me.
"I like this story," I said, impressed with the boy's ingenuity.
Callaghan mentioned something about a favoured bathing suit.
"When consulted on this case, our forensic pathologists told us we would find a bathing suit of some significance to the perpetrator."
"Sure enough, when we searched his house, we found it hidden behind his laundry machines."
"The DNA from that bathing suit was enough to connect him to several other victims."
"Why do you think these guys do what they do?"
Callaghan was curious to hear my answer to this question.
I wanted to tell him that words like psychopath or antisocial personality disorder are simply the best Western medicine can do to assign value to that kind of behaviour in today's context. There is a long list of hobbies we can devote ourselves to if we choose. However, I think it is just a numbers game before someone comes along and finds it more attractive to cause others pain, but I cannot understand why anyone with these dark desires would feel they can act upon them with impunity.
I didn't trust him enough to disclose my personal beliefs. "I don't know." I said, "I guess there's just not enough love in the world to go around for everyone."
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